Cancer Sucks. There, I said it.
My mom started her final cycle of chemotherapy today. We've come a long way from here on her first day of chemo in June, nearly four months ago. On that day, none of us knew exactly what to expect. Now we know- And I wish it is something that my mom never had to learn.
I'm glad that my mom is nearly over the finish line of chemotherapy. Just about ten days from now, she should start feeling better without having to dread the start of another cycle. But somehow, it's not all that comforting.
For one, the ten days ahead still look like a mountain to her. She's done this five times now. She knows the awfulness that awaits her over the next ten days. And secondly, the dread of another chemo cycle is being replaced... at least for me, I hate to admit... by the dread of the cancer returning and growing. And this time, there will be no more treatment available.
So I'm glad that she's finishing chemo. I'm beyond thankful that her wonderful sister, Carol, will be there to help her through the next two weeks. And I'm looking forward to some good days ahead while she is in partial remission. But I'm just not sure how to handle this cloud of questions that will inevitably be settled over our heads in the months to come. Is the cancer back? I'm sure I'll be wondering. How much longer? Is this our last ___(fill in the blank)___?
I guess the reality is that life is full of unanswered questions, so we should all be used to it by now and FINALLY learn to trust God day by day, minute by minute. That may be the only way to fully enjoy every good moment that we have. And I want that- but that level of trust and faith seems like a monumental endeavor to me today, as my mom begins her final chemo.