Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Some Thoughts

Cancer Sucks. There, I said it. 

My mom started her final cycle of chemotherapy today. We've come a long way from here on her first day of chemo in June, nearly four months ago. On that day, none of us knew exactly what to expect. Now we know- And I wish it is something that my mom never had to learn. 

I'm glad that my mom is nearly over the finish line of chemotherapy. Just about ten days from now, she should start feeling better without having to dread the start of another cycle. But somehow, it's not all that comforting.

For one, the ten days ahead still look like a mountain to her. She's done this five times now. She knows the awfulness that awaits her over the next ten days. And secondly, the dread of another chemo cycle is being replaced... at least for me, I hate to admit... by the dread of the cancer returning and growing. And this time, there will be no more treatment available.  

So I'm glad that she's finishing chemo. I'm beyond thankful that her wonderful sister, Carol, will be there to help her through the next two weeks. And I'm looking forward to some good days ahead while she is in partial remission. But I'm just not sure how to handle this cloud of questions that will inevitably be settled over our heads in the months to come. Is the cancer back? I'm sure I'll be wondering. How much longer? Is this our last ___(fill in the blank)___?

I guess the reality is that life is full of unanswered questions, so we should all be used to it by now and FINALLY learn to trust God day by day, minute by minute. That may be the only way to fully enjoy every good moment that we have. And I want that- but that level of trust and faith seems like a monumental endeavor to me today, as my mom begins her final chemo.


Amy said...

You've been on my mind today as I read your parents' most recent post, too, about this last round of chemo. So many unanswered questions. You are all in my prayers, and I especially hope that these next few months are filled with treasured times together for all of you.

Much love from way out west!

The Hargett Family said...

Cherissa....Thinking of you and saying prayers for you as you contemplate these hard questions. Sending love and prayers to you and your family.

Mom Keena said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mom Keena said...

Another mountain to climb, unsure of what is over the hill. That's a tough place to be! The forever what-if questions can drive you crazy! That's where the peace-of-God has an opportunity to become a daily reality in your life. My prayer for you is that you will experience His immeasurable grace in all of your lives throughout the years to come.

Anonymous said...

God Bless you Riss - Love Aunt Suzie

Rita said...

Psalm 68:19 "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." This is the verse God gave me on the way to Phil's funeral, when everything just seemed too huge. Verse 20 is good, too...read it.

Enjoy your beach trip, friend. :)

the schilps said...

"my grace is sufficient for you, cherissa, for my power is made perfect in weakness." very hard questions and thoughts, my friend. i am thankful that even in their midst or after you stop asking, He is sufficient. i am praying for you and for your family this next week.
love you, friend.

Ava said...

We're Praying!

Cindy McLean said...

Cherissa, Prayin' for you too!

Allison Bellomy said...

all i can say is that I agree...cancer does SUCK! But God is GOOD, GREAT and WONDERFUL! we can lean on HIM during the hard times, AND during the good as well. praying for you.

christine matchell said...

It just makes me sad to see your mom suffer--but I love what you said the other day about it bringing us back to the gospel. This is such a hard time, but you guys have been an INCREDIBLE example of God's peace and his gift of joy. Thank you for encouraging me. We'll be praying for you!

Anonymous said...

speaking ps 3.3 for your whole family.

love you guys,

John and Janel Breitenstein said...

No words come to mind. Just wish I could hug you, my friend.