Entrepreneur

Maggie: Mommy, what is that place?

Me: That's the Soderquist Business Center.

Maggie: When I'm four, I'm going to have a business.

Me: Oh, yeah? What kind of business?

Maggie: A princess dress-up business.

Me: That sounds neat. How will your business work?

Maggie: I will get lots of money out of my piggy bank, and when the people come, I will give them the money.

Me: Well, that's going to be a very popular business.

Maggie: Yes.

Lucas Roebuck's Son

Max: Mommy, can you come watch me play?

Me: What are you playing?

Max: I'm playing "Take Over the Universe." I made it up. It's just a demo.

Conversations with Max and Maggie

Last night as I was tucking Maggie into bed:

Maggie: Oooooo, I like your earrings. Someday will you buy me some earrings like these?
Me: Someday when you're a grown-up lady you can have earrings.
Maggie: And we can even share our earrings!
Me: We can! Someday when you're grown up I won't even have to tell you what to do or give you spankings.
Maggie: [Giggles]
Me: Then we can be friends, because you'll be all grown up and you'll know how to make good choices.
Maggie: AND WE CAN SHARE OUR EARRINGS!!
Me: That's right. Do you want to pray tonight or do you want me to?
Maggie: I will:

"Dear God, Thank you for our beautiful day. Thank you that Grandmama Vicki is at heaven. Thank you for my new clothes. Thank you for my clothes that aren't new but are still pretty. Thank you for a Daddy that always likes to give me ice cream every day. Amen."

Conversations with Max and Maggie

Maggie: Mommy, this is a picture of Grandmama dying.

Me: Tell me about it.

Maggie: This is Grandmama dying in the hot lava.

Max: Ummmm Maggie, Grandmama didn't die in hot lava.

Maggie: Fire?

Me: Maggie, remember Grandmama's body was broken and it didn't work anymore. She died of cancer.

Max: I don't think Maggie understands.

Me: It's okay.

Max: She doesn't understand. She's just a very tiny girl but I'm a big kid, so I understand.

Conversations with Maggie

Maggie, strapped in her carseat on the way to her Grandmama's funeral:

Maggie: Well, I've got great news and really bad news. The bad news is, Grandmama is gone. The great news is, the trees are still here!

Not The Way It's Supposed To Be

I've never really given sin the respect it deserves.

When life is moving along pretty smoothly with lots of happy things happening around me, it's easy to tuck sin behind a closet door or prop it up out of the way in a back corner. Out of sight, out of mind. It's easy to not think about how our whole existence was marred when humanity chose to bring sin into this world. It's easy to think that humanity is doing pretty well for ourselves.

Truth is, sin is a powerful force. No corner of this creation is left untouched.

I've never understood that truth more than while sitting at my mother's death bed. I watched her body slowly waste away. Day by day, I watched helplessly as death stripped every piece of life from her and replaced it with a something foreign and unwanted: trading walking for sitting; mobility for confinement; appetite for revulsion; privacy for intrusion; talking for silence; comfort for pain; consciousness for sleep; breath for stillness.

Several well-meaning and compassionate professionals tried to comfort me with reminders that what I was watching happen to my mom was "natural." At one point I really thought I would scream if I heard the phrase "the natural dying process" one more time. I wanted to burn all those little booklets on the dying process. Send them all up in flames– all those little blue booklets they give you describing what to expect in the final days of a loved-one's life.

I wanted to yell: Natural?! There is absolutely nothing natural about what is happening to my mom. This is not the way it was supposed to be! We were never created to have to endure this! Just because something has become "normal" doesn't make it "natural."

And in the midst of all this- now, NOW I can give sin the respect it deserves. I can look around this room and see my mom lying limp and dying on her bed, and I finally get it. Look what humanity has done! Just look what we've accomplished for ourselves! Death!

And so there's finally room in my world-contented heart for the Gospel– and a love for my Savior I've never known.

The Sad Things

My mom died.

I was with her, and I am so thankful. There are a million possible scenarios where that wouldn't have been the case, but God gave me that gift. It was one of many, many gifts God has given me over the course of the last few weeks; one of many whispers: I'm here. I love you. I'm making this all new. I Am.

I feel like I've received a whole new education in faith, life, loss and grace in the last few weeks as well. It's not a degree I wanted, but it's one I'm glad I have. There is, of course, still so much to process, so much to grieve.

I'm suddenly and painfully aware of all the life events and milestones that stretch out in front of me where she'll be missing. How does one do the next big thing? The next load of laundry, the next art project with the kids– I can do those things. She's not missing there. But what about family meals? Holidays? The birth of this little one?

I believe now more than ever that there will be grace for those moments, too. It still feels a little overwhelming, though.

I couldn't sleep last night, so I picked up my phone and found a voice mail my mom left me on my birthday. Sometimes it pays off to never erase your voicemail. :-) I lay in the dark with the phone up to my ear and listened to it over and over and cried. It was just so good to hear her voice.

As I sat with her in the moments after she died, with my dad and my brothers and my aunts, I was truly shocked to realize that literally the moment she died, she didn't even look like herself anymore. I leaned in closer and wondered if, in another circumstance like an accidental death, if I had to identify this body, would I even be able to tell if it was my mom? She actually looked that different to me. It was just so obvious that she was no longer there.

And I thought about something that I read at least 10 years ago. At that time, I read this paragraph in a book and it stopped me cold. I thought it was one of the most accurate description of my mother I had ever read. Long before she had cancer. Long before I knew she was dying. Just in the midst of her 'normal' life. I came home after she died this week and found the dusty book on my shelf and found that paragraph and read it again. This was the woman I called Mother:

"Let the Word break over your heart and mind again and again as the years go by, and imperceptibly there will come great changes in your attitude and outlook and conduct. You will probably be the last to recognize these. Often you will feel very, very small, because increasingly the God of the Bible will become to you wonderfully great. So go on reading it until you can read it no longer, and then you will not need the Bible any more, because when your eyes close for the last time in death, and never again read the Word of God in Scripture you will open them to the Word of God in the flesh, that same Jesus of the Bible whom you have known for so long, standing before you to take you forever to His eternal home."

- Geoffrey Thomas, Reading the Bible.

The Happy Things

Here's our sweet little guy- 3D ultrasound image at 19.5 weeks. The second one is my favorite,with his little arms up next to his face... although the printer on the ultrasound machine jammed up and wrinkled this one. I just love his sweet little face!

Conversations with Maggie

Maggie walks into the kitchen carrying an arm-full of ponies and fairies.

Maggie: These girls are going to jail.

Me: Why do they have to go to jail?

Maggie: Because they made bad choices to other people, not just to their moms and dads.

Just Because They're Cute and I Love Them

Conversations with Maggie

After playing outside at Grandpapa and Grandmama's house last week:

Me: Ewwwww! Maggie, I forgot to make sure you washed your hands after you accidentally touched the dog's bottom. Gross. Gag. Cough. Gag.

Maggie: It's okay, Mom. Things happen.

Announcing... A New Roebuck Baby BOY!

Yes, friends! We are expecting a BOY!

New Roebuck baby boy on the way and due around August 1. I am 14 weeks along, and we saw on the ultrasound today definitive proof that we indeed have a little boy on the way! We are thankful and excited.

One of the reasons we decided to find out the gender before the birth this time is that Max and Maggie both had their hearts set on their hope of gender for the baby. Max really wanted a baby brother while Maggie really, really wanted a sister. We hope that by finding our early, each of them can process that news early on and by the time baby arrives, it will just be what's expected and we can be all excitement and no disappointment when the big day arrives.

SO.... Maximus is of course overjoyed that it's a boy. He has been studying the ultrasound pictures and is beyond excited about the new brother on the way.

Maggie was, to put it delicately, disappointed. Here's how she took the news:

Lucas: We are having.... a baby BOY!

Maggie: (collapsing to the ground and bursting into tears) NO!! BUT I WANTED A GIRL!!

Lucas: I know, but how about a chocolate bar instead?

Maggie: (tears immediately stopping and she stands up) okay.

And that was that. Nothing like chocolate to soothe a girl's dashed hopes.

Now that we're past that little disappointment for Maggie, we're all excitement. We're thanking God for this great news and praying for health and safety all along the way!

Places I spent the night in 2010

I saw this on a friend's blog and it got me thinking about all the places I've been in 2010. Here's my list, as far as I can remember:

Aurora, NE
Branson, MO
Siloam Springs, AR
Mubai, India
Tenali, India
Kolkata, India
Malvern, AR
Roswell, NM
Calexico, CA
Fallbrook, CA
San Diego, CA
Costa Mesa, CA
Livermore, CA
Escalon, CA
Grand Canyon, AZ
Albuquerque, NM
Los Angeles, CA
Camarillo, CA
Lakewood, CO

What a year! My first time out of the continental U.S., two trips to California, and lots of other adventures as well. I was reminded of all the hard work Lucas and some other family and friends did to take care of Max and Maggie while I was in India and California- THANK YOU! I can't wait to see what 2011 holds. Although I don't expect my 2011 destinations list to be nearly this long, I'm looking forward to whatever adventures we do have ahead.

What about you? Where have you rested your head in 2010? I think it's fun to see!

Conversations with Maggie: Christmas Edition

Max and Maggie are playing with those annoying musical dancing Santas at the Walgreens checkout. The cashier tries to ask Maggie about Santa:

Cashier: Who's coming to see you this Christmas?

Maggie: Grandmama Vicki!!!

Cashier: No, who's coming to your house to bring you lots of presents?

Maggie: GRANDMAMA VICKI!!!!

Smart kid. :-)

COYOTE COUNTY LOSER now on DVD and Blu-Ray!

Coyote County Loser, the romantic comedy that my brother-in-law Jacob produced and Lucas helped to write, is now available for purchase on DVD and Blu-Ray! This is a fun movie with a great message you can feel good about sharing with all of your family and friends!

Also, my parents are interviewed on the special features section, along with Jim Walters, as one of the real-life love stories that inspired the message behind Coyote County Loser. I think that is just so cool!

Order here!

The Inverse Power of Praise

Photo by Phillip Toledano as seen with the linked article.

I found this New York Magazine article very interesting. The basic gist of the article is that research shows that praising our children for being "smart" or "intelligent" will make them less likely to try new things and can actually hamper their confidence instead of building it up. Instead, it might be better to praise their hard work instead of their "giftedness." This really makes me want to re-think how I praise my kids.

I read one commenter on this article who suggested praising liberally with our children for virtue, but only praising for intellect when it is used to further virtue or in a virtuous way. I think there's a lot of truth to the concepts in the article. It makes sense to me. Any thoughts?

The Sweetest Words

Some of you may remember that Maggie has not exactly been uber-interested in spiritual things, a fact which I haven't been too worried about, knowing that this is something only the Holy Spirit can do. But I have certainly been praying that God would speak truth into her little heart. This morning her Bible Study Fellowship truth was that "Jesus is the Light of the world." This afternoon, she told me this:

Maggie: Mom, I do love Jesus. I love Jesus, and I have light in my heart. [pause] I don't always make good choices, but I do love Jesus.

It's quite a shift from the dozens of other conversations we've had about Jesus. It's especially thrilling to me coming from my little Maggie Mae, who isn't one to say things just because she thinks it's what other people want to hear. Probably just about the sweetest little words I've ever heard.

You should join us!

Most of you know that I was able to travel to India in March with my sister-in-law Laura and International Princess Project. I am thrilled to let you know that IPP is bringing a piece of that experience right here to Siloam Springs this week!

If you live in Northeast Oklahoma or Northwest Arkansas, I'd love to see you at this free event Thursday night! Your eyes and heart will be opened to how God is working and moving in India.

Summer Visits

Fall is here!! With the cooler weather that has (finally!) arrived, I've been thinking back over the past few months and reminiscing about summer. We had a truly wonderful summer this year, complete with lots of visits with special friends. We didn't get photos of everything, but here are a few highlights of some of the special visits we were able to enjoy with friends and family during Summer 2010:

Friends Sarah and Ryan and their two boys came through town just a few weeks ago, and we enjoyed a great evening with them. So great to catch up with this dear friend!

Grandma Norris, Aunt Debbie, Lucas' brother Joe and sis-in-law Tammy and our friend Jim (taking the photo) at Downtown Disney during our trip to Southern California.

Lucas' brother Sam and Anne at their home in the Bay Area, California.

We loved getting to see our dear friends Jeff and Amy and their two kiddos during our trip to California as well!

The Dees crew enjoyed a very special evening at Nibbles Academy of Cooking for an evening of learning to cook together! What fun!!

Our niece Susan had her piano recital at our home. I was so proud of her!

Laura's parents, Bill and Polly, and their Grandson Seeley in Roswell, NM.

Uncle Manlio and Aunt Alva in Calexico, CA.

John and Janel and their precious kiddos came and stayed for a weekend- we had such a great time together!

The kids and I went to Owasso for a day to spend the day swimming and hanging out with Rita and her little girl, Ziva. Three months later, Maggie still says "Thank you, God, for the day at the swimming pool with Ziva" just about every time she prays.

Our fun and wonderful friends Gene and Mollie from Idaho brought their two sweet girls to visit for a day as they were in the area visiting Gene's family. Max was so thrilled to have his best little friend from Idaho here for a day!

Lucas' Dad, Maria, and Maria's Mom Elisa in Temecula, CA.

I wish we had photos of everyone we got to visit with over the summer– we feel so blessed to have so many friends and family to love in our lives. Thanks for the awesome summer, everyone!

Farewell, Summer! See you next year!

Conversations with Max

After church on Sunday, Max heard me talking to a friend who was being induced last night to give birth to her fourth child and first girl (Congrats, Stephanie!) As we walked to the car:

Max: She's having a baby tonight?

Me: Yes! And it's going to be a little girl!

Max: How do they know it's going to be a little girl?

Me: The doctors have a special camera that takes pictures of the baby while she's still inside the Mommy's womb. Isn't that neat?

Max: (thinking for a few seconds) But how do they know it's a girl? Do they look at the hair?