Toenails

I was downstairs working when I heard Xander (7) suddenly screaming from his bedroom. I went running to him. 

Me: Xander, what’s wrong? Are you ok?

Xander: (panicked voice) I don’t know! I don’t if this is an emergency!

Me: What happened?

Xander: I put my toenail in my NOSE!

Me: (Laughing)

Xander: What? Is it bad?? Oh, no! Is it BAD?

Me: It’s not an emergency. Just don’t do it again. 

Napkins

Xander (7), coming out of a public women’s restroom with me:

Mom, this bathroom has free napkins and a machine for napkins that cost 25 cents. Huh.